#COLE THE BABYSITTER HOW TO#
#COLE THE BABYSITTER MOVIE#

In other words, McG knows how to make choices, he just seems physically incapable of making any of the right choices. For no reason at all, Cole wears a Wes Anderson-esque tweed suit. He’s prone to just throwing large text on the screen and tasteless unnecessary interludes (in an early scene, he “provocatively” informs us that every kid in Cole’s high school is addicted to something). The blame falls on one “McG,” a filmmaker so insecure in his own craft that he compensates by directing with the attention span of a toddler. He’s an exception: while The Babysitter movies are marketed as campy entertainment, they lack the heart to actually have any fun. Watching it would be a waste of your time. He’s clearly having a good time, and it shows.

Arrow-verse alum Robbie Amell turns out to be the only bright spot as the sadistic Max. That includes former Vine star Chris Bachelor (here incapable of landing a single punchline) and OnlyFans scammer Bella Thorne.

#COLE THE BABYSITTER MOVIE#

Somehow, another group of murderous high schoolers is trying to steal Cole’s blood, and also the annoying pack from the first movie has been brought back from the dead to help.

Killer Queen quickly reveals itself to be a complete rehash of the original. Perhaps Lagana’s revenge was to intentionally scape the bottom of the barrel. Oh wait, Netflix needlessly canceled American Vandal after 2 seasons. So odd then to find Dan Lagana, former showrunner of Netflix’s wonderful mockumentary American Vandal, as the credited writer. But this is really the least of this screenplay’s problems, which is half expletives, half lazy pop culture references, the type of garbage only a hack could write. Here lies Killer Queen’s first problem: trying to add meaning by playing the consequences of the first movie straight. Nobody believes his babysitter and her four friends all perished in ridiculous, unbelievable circumstances involving exploding heads and poorly staged mayhem. Two years later, puberty has hit Lewis like a ton of bricks, and Cole’s trying to move on from his night of stylized, over-the-top violence – to no avail. Then we find out his cool female role-model is actual an evil devil worshipper, and horror-comedy hijinks ensue, though they’re never ever scary or funny. THE BABYSITTER: KILLER QUEEN (Pictured) HANA MAE LEE as SONYA in THE BABYSITTER: KILLER QUEEN. He still has a babysitter, because he’s a scaredy-cat. Over a mercifully brief runtime, we meet 12-or-maybe-14-year-old scaredy-cat Cole Johnson ( Judah Lewis). The original The Babysitter released before the genre had become a lane of its own directed by “ McG,” the subpar coming-of-age/horror comedy boasted a lot of bold-but-bad direction and a strong outing for Samara Weaving as the titular character. Such is the promise of the “Netflix Original Movie” – I’m bitter about it. I doubt they’ll even be particularly disappointed. No, they’ll watch because the holy Netflix algorithm presents it as a perfectly fine way to kill an hour-and-forty-minutes. Those who sit down for Killer Queen won’t do so because they’re desperate to see the next chapter of the story begun by 2017’s The Babysitter or because they’ve heard good things from critics or friends. I know why you – well, hopefully not you – would watch it, how tens of thousands of eyeballs will witness this sad sack of trash playing at 24 frames-a-second.

Cole the babysitter